An answer or better say justification ...

Before you read -

Note : The scene is common

Purpose : An answer or a justification

Addressed to : someone I care

Now you may proceed -

About : Two close friends

Background:

No impression left on gal's mind concerning when the friendship started and knowingly or unknowingly how it got closer to her. Guy is simple and with loads of nonsense principles :P.

With time they got used to each other , sharing all the stuff they had or they felt like to share with each other .Apart from healthy understanding they never felt the need of any justification.

Things were granted until a day he came with following points -

-I had thought its amplified friendship but it is not.

-Sorry but I have to confess it.

-If things permit you in future and if there's no one else in your life , would you like to be all with me?

-Think and take your time.

-Please let me know

-Stay my friend forever.

Gal remains speechless.
-What should she do when a dear guy friend recently realized that he had developed feelings for her??

-Friendship has been inevitably hit a low.

-I chide myself as well as him for it because a perfectly good friendship is now badly strained.

- Yet, all I can do at this juncture is to pray that our friendship will make it through this painful phase.

As of now,he messaged -" the silence of my mobile phone and the distant replies are piercing the splinter deeper into my already reeling heart. I miss you very much as a dear friend. And why does it seem like a crime to appreciate and fall for a someone??Atleast give me the reasons for rejection .

So she comes with -

-I agree you but things hereafter unknowingly do not remain same.

-I do not have any feelings for you ,honestly.

-I just can't pay much attention to one guy.

-I do not find attachement to you, for whom I could give up with my family incase if I have to.

-More , I don't like crying .

and apart from this -I hate temporary relationships and I can not hurt anyone , who is or was once dear to me.

All that I can say is " Sorry"!

I am Sorry !

Retraced

Few hours before , it was twilight, I was sitting lazily in verandah ( nice place to spend evening time)...and whilst I was thinking about how could have I spent a better evening with friends hanging out somewhere , and before I sort it out, I shrieked ..it was puppy,who made me act infront of bacchalog , playing with it..

There it was , disk of smile on my face , I chuckled and was lost in memory of myriad things I (we) had done in our pink times

....I can recollect it so vividly , dada (brother ) and his gang wale( his friends) and myself, their only sole follower to do all things they would ask me for , like bringing ball while they played cricket and never gave me chance to bat :( and similar things ..

The way we used to play with puppies , bring them home and then got aai's scolding like - "Take it away...wash your hands , you will have some infection , next time you bring it home...."

and the thing I would like to mention about these puppies is that if you give them affection they would repay it , unlike us !..

Once, dada and me had even planned 100% to keep puppy at home , keeping secret from aai

as per plan, we brought it home , made a place in backyard and kept for 2-3 days...made a place for it, I was given the job of stealing chapatis and feed puppy.Later on when it was unfolded, it would not leave the home ...we both tried to convince aai a lot but when governess says no then by no means it can be yes :P .Two days it was taken in car and dropped somewhere , from where it coulnot retrace the path...We had cried a lot ....

I know this is very common incidence but I just wanted to share it here , the emotions , the innocence we had in our childhood , the pure love and real drops that trickled down our face ...

everything was flashed behind my retina ..

And now here it is me , scared of dogs to the hilt one can not even think of ! Really feels so strange ...

Things change with the elevation of eyelid!!

Things change with the depression of eyelid!!

Radha , a concept !

You must be wondering what a weird title but this is a thought , not of mine , yesterday just while watching sa re ga ma pa on zee marathi ,Awadhoot gupte , one of the judges appointed made this point and I would really love to share it here...


It has been said somewhere that Krishna's Radha was a mere concept and there was no living being actually named Radha..


Radha, who was immmersed completely in love of Lord Krishna ,was married to someone ( XYZ) , but she still could not get out of Hari's love .


This is actually against the nature.


As per dharma , Married woman should love her husband and assume him as lord and should not have second thoughts of any other person.


Then ,


A flow which starts at a specific point and ends at other peculiar point , imagine of water , we call it DHARA ...that is in direction of nature
And so is named RADHA , opposite of DHARA , against the nature and laws !


It doesn't matter whether a RADHA or DHARA , important is survival , in the flow or against the flow !


Thats what I loved ...RADHA , a concept!

Becoming Doctor !

Flashback , ~ August '07

5 days a week - 2 hours a day-dissection hall -peak gossips-unlimited masti-treat to eyes- eerie expressions-exploring unexplored -gyan exchange-professors scolding = reception -sorry interpretations-catching someone's glimpse from corner of your eye -getting caught by your closest friend

Approximately an year has been passed when we had first entered the dissection hall,it was few days after those theory lectures.

Actually after Deans welcoming speech- I was like -Am I going to enter a profession, perhaps,5 years slaving in which 95% is guesswork ? IDIOPATHIC, the lingo we use, unknown path :-?

3p.m
The first thing we noticed was smell…. most of us including me with handkerchiefs on nasal apertures.

On moving the eyelashes..I was facing dead ,brown ,naked bodies...5 of them
Smell had become even stronger that we could barely breathe.."We will get used to it" was nearest and comforting comment, actually that was the formalin stuff that would keep the body away from decaying by the time we were supposed to dissect and explore

I refreshed the mental note of segals book that -"We who have come to preserve the living ,must first preserve the dead "A kinda paradox :)Soon , all of us were with different expressions on facebook,some had still not overcome that smell,few were like hey ..this is gonna be interesting,few were fainting ,and some supercools (show off) had put on gloves and stuff..

While I was trying to analyse the thoughts of my colleages…
GOOD AFTERNOON !...
……prof. had entered, he was renowned surgeon of city,approx. of my dad's age,fit n impressive., Mr.Gandhi , our guide for rest of the year.Without any further intro's and borin job “I am especially pleased to be leading out expeditions through mysteries of human body !Get instruments and as soon as you get set up, we will start ".

My eyes had twinkled, he was great ,IMPRESSED!

We were split into groups and assigned the cadavers.I had not thought that I would be the one to take first incision amgst gals after boys had started who shared the common cadaver with us.Cunninghum was sole advisor guiding us through epidermis,dermis,subcutaneous fat,superficials fascia ,deep fascia , muscle. whilst we were made to imprint on our grey that-“the bodies before you ( us ) were once breathing ,alive and sentient.They were generous enough that they even after death they would serve mankind.I want u to treat them with respect and if i see foolin around or horseplay , be sure that u will b kicked out”

Actually it depends from where you wish to start dissection .

I would like to mention whilst we dissected for thorax region

This time it had been professor.He took a serrated scissor like tool and broke the breastbone , the sound was like that of breaking a branch of tree.He started slicing through manubrium, xiphoid process,intercostal muscles,thoracic nerves, whilst we were supposed to take mental notes of everything he uttered and suddenly with a snap the rib cage opened like cracked walnutand everyone was beholding breath...a glimpse of mediastinum where the engine of human body , heart lies with lungs on either side!
A photo imprinted on my minds eye…it was awesome and minutes later I was actually holding heart in my hand ..incredible,.. feeling that had ushered can’t be expressed in words. All were hired with the job of clicking all sort of snaps they could :) with the cell phones ;)

Really it was one the best times , we will remember throughout life...becoming doctors, pride it carries , in love with the things that we have learned and further more we will..

Sincerely, its a lot of a hardwork job and worth that hardworking too !
All 550 hours required for anatomy will be always reminded by me ( us).

:-|

Approximately 30 days have passed by, perhaps a month ..much time, life is seeming like never before,absolutely numb ..

Drenching in rain couldn't make my soul feel the need for warmth

no freshness with the sip of hot coffee

reading had never been this slow

chatting with friends had never been so boring.

Zero appetite for favortie dishes and well no viral fever in monsoon...missing all these things..days fleding so laaziilyy.

Need to snap out of this moistness,so looking forward for a post :-Also few bugged up ....hey no posts ?It was like pinch , hey you read also? :)

Anyway,Until next worthreading- BEAR IT!

Counterview

Sometimes I am more of silence and less of words

When things drive me into shock rather than in thought

Sometimes I wish I could be as pure as white

But
A dainty drop ruins it with just slightest effort

Its not just sometimes I assume someone to be good its the way my little eyes see the world

Though my mind knows that often good cloaks the bad

But

Still my heart believes circumstances can make bad cloak the good

Some times I am pinned somehwere between nausea and awe

As

Someone has said "worlds so harsh that its not just sometimes , it thrashes you deep down the abyss

Sometimes my mind don't want to see what my heart knows is true

And

Sometimes my mind sees what my heart wish were true

Sometimes I wait in vain to hear what I know is imaginary

Sometimes I adjust my mind to hear what my heart knows is reality

Sometimes I want to be less pragmatic

Sometimes I want to get lost

Sometimes I wish things could be according to my whims

Sometimes I want for the things I know I never can

SOMETIMES I DREAM

coz,

I know some virtualities can't turn into realties

Some thoughts are so sweet that they will get lost in my sea of thoughts

Some relationships are so innocent to be understood by this world so upside down

All defect lies here

I am the girl tormented by my own personal demons.........MY EMOTIONS

Impatient!

Constantly I waggle with my heart

Can't you see the battle that I daily have?

Tears leave my eyes lone

Cant you see that my emotions

are stranding parched?

Often my eyes glimpse in expectation

Can't you see that they keep searching you my dear?

While I stand lone

I dunno whether its you or your mirage what I see

Be it for a moment then can't you cross your fingers with mine

I am ready to wait till the time unknown

But my love , are you returning to me?

or
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
leave me lone just like this?

Sometimes

Sometimes you can’t tell someone that ‘I love you’


But that’s what you want them to understand


Sometimes I am entangled in someone


Sometimes I try to live much isolated from someone


And


Sometimes I am so confused


I am in somewhat difficult times that


I , myself, isn’t able to understand


When I show attachment I hurt myself


When I show detachment I hurt someone else


Note : Ugly Catterpillar owes her beautiful butterfly

:-)

Thanks !

Beyond imperfections..........